Even the most formal wedding receptions with an adult-only guest list might accommodate one or two extra special tiny guests (at least for the ceremony.) The Ring Bearer and Flower Girl are as integral to the idea of a wedding as the Best Man or Maid of Honor. Including these tiny-tots at your wedding is guaranteed aww-inducing, but they also come with additional needs. So, we asked our experts, and they’ve broken everything you need to know about what the cuteness comes packing in Ring Bearer and Flower Girl 101!
The History and Meaning of Ring Bearers and Flower Girls
What kind of 101 class would it be if we didn’t have a little background info? Surprisingly, the sources of these respected positions are pretty abstract.
Some date the tradition of ring bearers back to ancient Egypt. Jewels carried on ornamental pillows were presented during various celebrations, including weddings, by servants. In medieval times, the Best Man gave the rings to the bride and groom on the tips of a sword. A page boy would carry the bride’s train and a prayer book back then, and some claim that wealthier families replaced the swords with pillows (a rarity in that day) to display their wealth. Eventually, the culmination of all these duties transferred to the page boy. By the time the Victorian era rolled around, ring bearers in velvet jackets, knickerbockers, and big collars were a part of the traditional wedding.
Others believe that the presence of ring bearers and flower girls is simply due to superstitions about fertility and bringing around good luck for future children of the happy couple. In ancient Rome, wheat and other herbs representing fertility, instead of rose petals, were tossed on the aisle for the bride.
Ring Bearer and Flower Girl: Frequently Asked Questions
Is the ring bearer a boy or a girl?
Traditionally, the ring bearer is a young boy, but there is no rule requiring it. Many modern weddings choose a girl ring bearer, a sibling pair, a nibling of any gender, or even a pet to carry the rings. The role is about trust and tradition, not gender, so pick the child (or fur baby) who is most reliable and most meaningful to the couple.
What is the ideal age for a ring bearer or flower girl?
The sweet spot for a ring bearer or flower girl is ages 4 to 8. Children younger than 4 often experience stage fright or meltdowns mid-ceremony, while kids 9 and older are usually better suited as junior bridesmaids or junior groomsmen. If you want a child under 4 in the ceremony, plan for a parent to carry or walk with them down the aisle.
Who walks down the aisle first, the ring bearer or the flower girl?
The ring bearer typically walks down the aisle first, followed by the flower girl, who immediately precedes the bride. The reasoning is symbolic because the rings represent the union to come, and the flower petals prepare the path for the bride’s entrance. If you have multiple children, they can also walk together hand-in-hand to keep the processional simple.
How many ring bearers and flower girls can you have in a wedding?
There is no maximum, couples commonly have one of each, but two, three, or even four flower girls and multiple ring bearers are all completely acceptable. Larger groups work especially well in blended families or when the couple wants to include nieces, nephews, and cousins together. Just be aware that more children means longer processional time and more coordination on the day, so factor that into your ceremony schedule.
Who pays for the ring bearer and flower girl outfits?
By tradition, the parents of the ring bearer and flower girl pay for their child’s outfit, just as bridesmaids and groomsmen pay for their own attire. However, many couples choose to cover the cost as a thank-you gift, especially if a specific outfit is required to match the wedding aesthetic. A common middle ground is for the couple to pay for a special accessory such as a flower crown, a ring pillow, or a bow tie that the child can keep as a keepsake.
Do You Need a Ring Bearer or Flower Girl?
Thankfully, unlike having witnesses or a certified officiant, this position in a ceremony is not a requirement to officiate a marriage. It’s entirely up to each couple whether they want to continue this tradition, and how they’d like to interpret it.
Recently, our experts noticed that you’re almost as likely to see these positions filled with fur babies as you are to see actual human children. Mix it up a bit and have a flower boy instead! As another less-than-obvious choice to hold the honor, we’ve even seen darling grandmas in flower crowns delighting all in attendance.
Ring Bearer and Flower Girl Outfits: What to Wear and Who Pays
When deciding how your bridal party will be dressed, plan for the youngest attendants as well. Customarily, the flower girl’s dress echoes the bride’s white gown with a full skirt or lace. Opting for color and fabric that match the bridesmaid dresses is also pretty traditional. For the ring bearer, keep the formality of your wedding in mind. Those tiny tuxes are to die for, and we love suspenders with khakis and bowties. Who can get enough of little suits to match the groomsmen? The parents or guardians of the ring bearer and flower girl usually pay for their outfits. You may, however, opt to purchase the outfits as a gift or pick out a sweet accessory that could become a cherished memento. (Just try to remember the extra challenges present for the parents to keep these kiddos clean enough for the pictures!)
Processional Order: Who Walks Down the Aisle First?
If the little ones are old enough to walk on their own, typically they follow after the wedding party has entered. They should deliver the ring to the best man, scattering flower petals along the way just before the bride heads down the aisle. If the parents are in the wedding party, carrying the tykes during the processional is always an option. Older kids can always escort the younger ones too!
Including Kids in the Reception
Consider whether or not the kiddos will have an invite to the reception. Our experts agree that this is a critical question, answered before you invite any kids to participate. If the reception is a family-friendly affair, park them with their parents. Unless their parents are in the wedding party, don’t stress too much over squeezing the kids in at the head table. Better yet, arrange for a kids table complete with a babysitter, kid-friendly food, and fun activities! This way, the parents can enjoy the evening worry-free.
If your reception is strictly adults-only, work with the parents to help them find a local babysitter, and a spot to watch the kids. Easily accessible locations like in their parent’s hotel room or a nearby room at the venue are great. Seriously consider covering the extra costs this may include.
How to Choose Your Ring Bearer and Flower Girl (Age, Personality, and Tips)
Most of the time, it’s pretty apparent to couples which kids they would want to bring into their ceremony. The odds are, between all the friends and family, someone will gladly volunteer their child to be part of the celebration. If there are young children from a previous relationship, this is a great way to make sure everyone feels included.
Bear in mind: tiny-tots and meltdowns are as close as love and marriage. Martha Stewart would advise that the age minimum requirement for this position would be at least four years old. Meaning the sweet spot for this job is between the ages of 4-9 years. Anything between the ages of 10-16 might be better suited as a Junior Bridal Party Attendant.
Planning a Wedding with a Ring Bearer or Flower Girl
Including a ring bearer or flower girl in your wedding is one of the simplest ways to bring warmth, personality, and a few inevitable laughs into your ceremony. Whether you choose a traditional pairing, a girl ring bearer, multiple flower girls, or a four-legged stand-in, the most important decisions come down to three things: pick children (or pets) who will feel comfortable in front of a crowd, sort out the processional order ahead of time so no one is guessing on the day, and give their parents a clear plan for the reception — including whether kids are invited and where they’ll sit.
The right venue makes a huge difference here. A space with quiet retreat areas for tired toddlers, a coordination team experienced with kid-friendly ceremonies, and flexible reception seating means the little ones in your wedding can shine in the moments that matter — and rest in the moments that don’t.
If you’re planning a wedding in the San Diego area, we’d love to help. Tour Harbor View Loft or contact our wedding team to start planning a day your whole family — youngest members included — will remember.
